difficulty

it's about that time again, time for lunch and a bit of writing.

Yesterday went south around the time I got home. I'm single now, but not really on the market so to speak. The lady I fancy (I can't bear to call her my 'ex') has been ill all summer and needs some room to grow while she heals. I don't think I've ever been overbearing but I'm going to give her all the space she needs, even though it is really hard for me.

Part of me really just wants to run to her, send her flowers, tell her how much I love her, and try to win her back. I realize that this won't work so I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to sit, wait patiently, and hope that she'll get better. I am a mature adult and I can bear some difficult in my life from time to time. My dream is that once she is healthy, we can continue our relationship, and maybe move in together.

I'm going to be starting therapy soon. I think this may be a good time for me to try to resolve some of my own issues. I've got plenty of stuff to resolve from my childhood, and no better time than the present, right ? I think I may need to be on some anti-depressants myself...

That and to make tons of money I can spend however I want. I have a well-paying job and no real responsibilities. I guess I'll be able to afford a fancy shotgun sometime sooner than I thought.

My boss was telling me about how when he was in the marines, and had disposable income, he'd buy a new weapon with each paycheck. I don't think I'll do that, because I don't need so many arms. That and they're very expensive.

I'm also going to start working out again. That always seems to help build self-esteem for me. While I know it is impossible for me to reach this goal, I do dream of weighing only 200 pounds, and still retaining most of my muscle-mass. Prior to last school year, I was making some real progress toward that. I think I need to pick it back up. Who knows, at the very least, the efforts may make me more appealing to her if she does ever reconsider. I'd rather do that than slip into a deep depression and get really fat or something. That would be just irresponsible.