Final LAN Party of the Summer

This weekend, my circle of friends had our final LAN Party of the summer. It was a happy time, but the end made me a bit sad. I really miss the old LANs we used to have, with more than 16 people, lasting for more than 36 hours, and leaving us all extremely tired. We still play, but we aren't as hardcore as we once were.

On Sunday, I showed my revolver to my neighbor across the street. He likes it. He showed me his entire collection of rifles, as well as his own .357 Magnum revolver. He has a Colt King Cobra. He also found an old holster that mostly fits my gun, and gave it to me. I cleaned it up, and got it looking brand new, and am now in the process of cutting away at the material, redoing the stitching, and trying to make it fit my gun even better. I think I may have to get some leather dye and change the color from brown to black. Alternatively, I may just keep it in the original color because it is a really nice holster.

The company that made the holster went out of business in the 1970s. They originally made fine leather goods, but eventually began making gun accessories as well. I'm not sure why they went under, but I know that this holster is pretty old. I also know that it isn't worth very much, at least from the current Ebay prices. I felt pretty guilty as I put my knife to the triggerguard area, to start trimming, but honestly, what good is a holster that doesn't fit ?

I've learned a lot about leatherworking from researching how to correctly modify this holster. I went out and bought some big needles and some waxed but unflavored dental floss today on my lunch break. This is because waxed thread is the best material for leather, and waxed dental floss is merely waxed thread of a different size. I also have learned that the correct way to finish the edges of a piece of leather is to rub them with beeswax. I'm going to probably end up using a stick of Burt's Bees lip balm to achieve this, that or petroleum jelly as an alternative. I'll try to post photos once I have finished the project.

I've been playing a lot of counterstrike lately. I didn't realize exactly how much time I spent doing thing for / with Alison until she left. I've had a ton of free time and no financial obligations, giving me more flexibility than I know what to do with. I've actually found myself at a loss for what to do some days. I've been reasonably happy though.

Maybe she was right. Maybe our relationship really wasn't possible right now. I mean, I am still concerned about her, and part of me does want to know how she's doing very often, but, I don't feel any obligation. Then again, now I feel a little guilty for talking to her whenever I do. I'm not really sure how much attention she wants from me, if any at all.

Still, I do really hope that we can get back together. Remembering the beautiful, romantic night at Waterfire in Providence, Rhode Island, really makes me feel sappy. That night was absolutely wonderful, and I wish I could relive it. Maybe I can, someday. I hope so.

The last few days have been awesome.

Okay, in stark contrast to last week, this week has rocked.

The Dream Theater concert on Tuesday night was the single greatest concert I have been to in my entire life, and I have been to many, many concerts. They played so many amazing songs. The solos were incredible. The stage design was unique and visually stimulating. The lighting was incredible.

I don't even have a setlist. I wasn't able to focus that much. My mind was reeling from the whole experience.

Prior to the concert on Tuesday, I went and picked up my new weapons. The revolver is incredible, and I am even more happy with it than I expected I would be. The shotgun is the best shotgun I have ever handled, and has exceeded all of my expectations already. Money well spent.

Wednesday, we went shooting. My father actually came along and had a good time. It was a lot of fun. After shooting, we all hung out for a while, and then ate dinner together, before I had to hurry back to my apartment for sleep.

Work has been smooth today. Nothing terribly exciting going on.

I made a terrible mistake regarding lunch this morning. Sometimes, I will just grab a can of pineapple and bring it to work for lunch. Today, I did this, but I did not notice that the can I had selected was not the usual "pineapple rings" or "pineapple chunks" varieties. Oh no.

It was crushed pineapple, basically mush. I've managed to eat about 2/3 of the 20 ounce can. The taste is just like any other pineapple product, but the texture is just awful. It reminds me of the absolute most pulpy orange juice one could ever imagine, like if one were to strain the juice from 25 oranges, keep all the pulp, but only use the juice of 2 or 3 of the oranges. It is just ... pulpy mush.

With that said, I am still eating it. I will be victorious over the mush this day, I swear it.

Alison status update: diagnosis confirmed: Lyme disease. She's on new meds now. I hope she is well soon. I'm trying really hard to be firm on my philosophy of "if you love her, let her fly, and if she loves you, she'll come back."

Concert Day !

Today is the Dream Theater concert. I've been excited about this for months. I listened to Images and Words, their most recent album about 6 times this week.

Today, prior to the concert, I may or may not actually go to pick up my revolver from the store. I'm trying to determine if the waiting period is over today or tomorrow. It is a bit tricky because I know the regulation is 10 days, but I do not know if it is inclusive or exclusive.

I haven't spoken much with Alison since she left me. I know she's going through a lot of really rough stuff right now, both emotionally and physically. I hope she gets better, and soon, but I am not betting on anything. I do miss her, and I still love her, even though it hurts. My friends and coworkers have all mentioned that I seem different, even when I am smiling and happy and feeling alright. That scares me a little, but it also proves just how much she mean[[s]||[t]] to me (please excuse my faux-reg-ex).

Work has been pretty cool. I've been accepted as a part-timer, and will be here for the next semester at least. I'm pretty popular around the workplace. People seem to like me, and that makes me happy. I am proud of my job.

I'll try to memorize the setlist and post it tonight, as I always try to do with concerts (for anyone who has read my LiveJournal).

An interesting weekend

I spent all weekend spending time with old friends from high school who happened to be in the area. It was pretty fun, but I noticed how we've all grown apart a bit. I mean, there are tons of similarities and I still enjoy their company, but we aren't quite the same perfectly meshed group we once were.

We watched Hot Fuzz as a group, and that was awesome. Most fun I've had in a while, to be honest. That movie really is a work of genius.

I'm going to be starting therapy pretty soon. I didn't really realize how much I needed it until Wednesday. I am really hoping it is going to help me in the long run, but like everything else, I don't have any expectations.

Tuesday is the Dream Theater concert. I've been looking forward to it for a while now. I haven't seen them live before, but if they are at all as good as Tool live, I'll be really happy I went.

Wednesday I get to pick up my revolver. I'm so excited about this. When I go, I'm going to see if they have a Browning BPS Stalker (very classy shotgun) which I'll buy with it. I've been wanting one for a while, but I haven't had the money available before. I've invited my dad to go shooting with us on Wednesday (I took the whole day off to enjoy my new revolver), and he actually said he'll try to make it. It took him about 3 years to shoot with me for the very first time, but this could be the second time in a single summer. I'm pretty happy just to spend time with him.

I have another client today, for my I.T. Consulting. I do this on weekends after my 9-to-5 work is all over for the week. It actually generates much more pure profit for me than regular work, so I use it to splurge whenever possible. It is how I afford nice things time and again.

Finally, I wanted to say thanks to those who commented on my previous post, both of my old journal and this one. I appreciate it. Times are hard but they'll be better soon.

difficulty

it's about that time again, time for lunch and a bit of writing.

Yesterday went south around the time I got home. I'm single now, but not really on the market so to speak. The lady I fancy (I can't bear to call her my 'ex') has been ill all summer and needs some room to grow while she heals. I don't think I've ever been overbearing but I'm going to give her all the space she needs, even though it is really hard for me.

Part of me really just wants to run to her, send her flowers, tell her how much I love her, and try to win her back. I realize that this won't work so I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to sit, wait patiently, and hope that she'll get better. I am a mature adult and I can bear some difficult in my life from time to time. My dream is that once she is healthy, we can continue our relationship, and maybe move in together.

I'm going to be starting therapy soon. I think this may be a good time for me to try to resolve some of my own issues. I've got plenty of stuff to resolve from my childhood, and no better time than the present, right ? I think I may need to be on some anti-depressants myself...

That and to make tons of money I can spend however I want. I have a well-paying job and no real responsibilities. I guess I'll be able to afford a fancy shotgun sometime sooner than I thought.

My boss was telling me about how when he was in the marines, and had disposable income, he'd buy a new weapon with each paycheck. I don't think I'll do that, because I don't need so many arms. That and they're very expensive.

I'm also going to start working out again. That always seems to help build self-esteem for me. While I know it is impossible for me to reach this goal, I do dream of weighing only 200 pounds, and still retaining most of my muscle-mass. Prior to last school year, I was making some real progress toward that. I think I need to pick it back up. Who knows, at the very least, the efforts may make me more appealing to her if she does ever reconsider. I'd rather do that than slip into a deep depression and get really fat or something. That would be just irresponsible.

a very busy day

Today was a busy day. I worked on twelve laptops, packed 4 of them for shipping to California, and began encrypting 2 others.

Lunch was nice, though. My Wednesday ritual of going to Quiznos make me nice and happy. Eric joined me. He and I talked about many different things. I told him about how Alison is doing. He said he hopes she gets well soon.

A few people at the office are interested in helping me get some more responsibility. I'd like to be a regular part of the system, a cog upon which others can rely. Presently, I'm more of an assistant. People offload tasks on me, and I do them as quickly as I can so as to be ready for more.

Today was fun, though. I like the busy days a lot more than the slow days. I didn't watch or read anything over lunch. I just talked with Eric and ate my wonderful salad.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do about dinner tonight. I wish some of my friends were around so I could cook for them, especially Alison. I really like making nice things for her, food especially. I've been meaning to sew her a hat, though I don't know when I'll find the time.

Things are wrapping up around here. I've seen several people leave already. I'm thinking about sneaking out right after I post this because I'm certain I'll be undetected. I've done a lot and people are thankful, so I don't feel too bad leaving a bit early today. I always feel guilty doing it on the slow days, even though there is nothing going on for me to actually be doing.

Pretty soon, I'll register for my classes for this upcoming semester. Now that I have my medical documentation submitted, they shouldn't give me any more trouble. I hope I can find some exciting classes. I'm seriously considering Calculus, and maybe a higher level physics. I really do need to get some computer certifications, as they would make me worth a lot more here at the office.

Oh, in case I hadn't conveyed it yet, I'm an Intern. I'm working on becoming a part-time employee so that I can have a steady cashflow during the school year. The biggest benefit of this is that it will allow me to go and visit my friends who are far away more often. I'd be really happy if I could go up and visit Alison every other weekend, though I also need to visit friends in: Seattle, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Illinois. Sometime soon, I need to visit family out in Arizona, and I really want to take a trip out to California with Alison. I hope she can help me turn my opinion of the state around.

Speaking of my opinion of California, I was happy to hear that they've repealed ageist sales policies on videogames. The governator isn't happy about it but currently, anyone any age can buy any game not rated for Adults Only. I think this is an acceptable change.

A description of my workplace

I work for the Financial Management Service of the United States Treasury.

My alarm goes off at 8 AM each morning. I wake up, and check my email. After that, I usually enjoy a bowl of frosted miniwheats and grapenuts, and then take a shower. When I'm done, I try to get dressed immediately, but I usually end up browsing the web for a while.

I wear heavy duck-cloth pants and long-sleeved collared shirts to work each day, no matter how hot it is outside. This is because in the office, it is always cold. I usually bring a jacket, but today I neglected to do so. Some days, I even bring a hat.

After I'm dressed, I make my lunch. Most days, that means 2 slices of frozen wheat bread, 1.5 tablespoons of peanut butter, and a bottle of water. I throw it into a bag leftover from buying my groceries at Target.

After double checking that I have my phone and keys, I dash out the door to my car. I drive a mile to the shopping mall around the corner, and park my car in front of the Target. I don't like parking here, and I'm afraid of being towed, but I lack an acceptable alternative. I've gotten used to do it, and I think carrying my lunch in a Target bag makes me look at least a little like I've actually been inside the place I park each day.

I cross the street and enter my office, where I am greeted by our security staff. I don't know the names of any of the security personnel but I am always cordial as I allow them to scan both my person and my belongings for potential security breeches and armament. I often speak with a particular woman who operates the scanners for a few moments at this point. We discuss literature and upcoming plans for the weekend. After I remember that I am late for work, I excuse myself and hurry to the elevator.

After reaching my floor, I hurry to my cubicle. I am often 10 or 15 minutes late to work, and I feel guilty, so I try to avoid seeing anyone I know on the way. I know they wouldn't scold me for being late, but I am silly and make almost a game of it. The hardest part is avoiding my boss, because his office is right next to my cubicle. He's a very nice man, very social. He has seen me come in late and has never once complained. He's opened stated that he likes my work and my approach to situations. He's working to extend my formal contract so I can work here for even longer.

I sit down at my workstation (the machine I'm on at the moment), where I once again check my email. This time, however, I check my work email too. There is almost never anything important for me to read, so I open up Fark, Slashdot, and a few webcomics to read. I can see how having a nice list of them can really give the officezombie something to look forward to each day of the week. I'm going to have to get in the habit of reading a few more, as most of the ones I've seen have been pretty entertaining.

My cubicle is large, but very grey. It has a few small decorations left over from its previous occupant, namely a small owl thermometer, and 2 small magnetic butterflies, whose wings are actually pieces of petrified wood.
In my drawers I keep a stack of books and DVDs. I try to read a few chapters of a book while I eat my lunch each day, and I watch shows or movies during downtime between my assigned projects.

I have downtime because unlike many of the other employees, I make it a point to be efficient with my tasks. I begin immediately, work diligently, and finish early. I wish I could do that in the classroom, especially on tests. After I have confirmed the completion of my current task, I wait for the next one. Sometimes, several hours pass before the next assignment is delegated to me. If too much time goes by, I start looking for things to do around the office. I watch my coworkers handle tasks I have not yet been assigned. I assist others with their tasks when possible, and I look for things I can just handle myself (printers out of paper, low ink cartridges, misplaced chairs,etc.)

Around noon, I try to find a safe stopping point and eat my lunch. On Wednesdays, I walk across the street to Quiznos to get a salad. It is my special treat to myself, to thank myself for making it to the middle of the week.

I am told to take an hour for my lunch, so if I have nothing else to do, I sit and read for the rest of the hour. I write any quick personal emails I want at this point. I try to write to my girlfriend at least three times a week, though I know this doesn’t always happen. She doesn’t usually respond but that’s okay. I mostly hope that my words will brighten her day or entertain her a little. If I don’t feel like reading a book at the moment, I’ll check my Fark and Slashdot again, or throw on a film. Lately, I’ve been watching the BBC’s “Planet Earth” which has been most educational. The cinematography is fantastic.

After my lunch hour is over, I wander around the office, in search of more tasks to be assigned. Occasionally I find one, but I regularly find myself back at my cube, empty-handed.

When possible, I’ll go down and shadow my other boss / co-worker, Eric. Eric is a really interesting person. He’s twice my age, but we get along really well because we have similar philosophies and interests. He is a hardware engineer.

We’ll talk about old pencil and paper RPGs, firearms, our opinions on current events, minor office politics, and our plans for the future. He has many stories about his children. He sounds like a fantastic father. I admire him.

When 4:30 PM rolls around, if I have nothing more to do, I leave for the day. Technically, I am supposed to stay until 5:30, but most of the staff leaves at 4:30, and since they assign my tasks, I cannot find more work without them. I wait until I’m sure they’ve left and then disappear.

All in all, I enjoy my job. I’d like to find some more responsibility within the office, some task that I can be regularly assigned, especially one I can master or at least complete with finesse. The work comes naturally to me, and the pay is good, so that’s all I really need.

Post 001 - The Introduction

Welcome to my blog. This is going to be a place for me to rant daily, to describe my experiences at work, to convey some emotions, and for me to explore my own mind.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.